My Music


Monday, December 29, 2008

so much to hard to do it....

when there's a marathon of Jon and Kate plus 8 on TLC.  Eight adorable little asian kids + hilarious anecdotes=getting nothing done.
My favorite quote today...Alexis: "how come little girls have little boops?"; Jon: "Uhh...."

Now "While You Were Sleeping" is on..or "How you sleeping" as my mom calls it.  We're watching it per my mom's request, however, she is in fact sleeping.

back to editing. so fun.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Little man can talk...sort of...

This is Will on Thanksgiving night.  We all just watched him eat his rice entertaining.  He talks his little gibberish...which always sounds like he's saying something, but he's not...except for the words he can say: "b-bye", "book" and "kitty".  He says, "appy" a lot...which I like to think is "happy".  Well, he makes me happy at least.

Michael was playing a game with him where he holds out a long "AAhhh" and Will answers back.  He was preoccupied with eating though. 

Monday, November 24, 2008

I'm grateful...

that I get to go home tomorrow....and see my family and spend time with them,
that it will be between 70-80 degrees while I'm there and I'll get to run outside and lay out by the pool...
that my mom bought the most amazing piano ever...the only thing I would part with our Steinway for and it will be sitting there waiting for me to play anytime I wish...and I'll get to test out my new songs on it.
that my brother is coming out from Denver so I get to see his family, too.  
that God is forgiving, and I always know my place with Him.
for being inspired lately.  
for the stage crew man that found us in our upper bowl seats 2 hours before Coldplay was to come on and moved us to the 3rd row. he is my hero.
for hope? as weird as that sounds...I would be a gonner if there wasn't such a thing. cause hope leads to change, and I've definitely encountered my need for that time to time..or always.
for the gifts I've been given. I just hope that I will get the chance to use all of them...because I really am grateful that I can do what I do....but the downside to that is the fear of never fully making your dreams come to fruition, or taking it for granted, forgetting where it came from and then losing it due to neglect.  I don't like the idea of not fully realizing your potential...or at least not trying your darndest to.
for sacrament talks about putting deer in sleeper-holds...keeps me awake at least.
for music...can't say enough about that.  it's probably all i think about...maybe not all, but it pretty much encompasses everything for me--work, school, friends, family, church, self, world, heaven, expression, love, loss...just everything. 
for my nephew...cause he reminds me of what happiness feels like.
for people who come into your life in the strangest or most unexpected ways and are able to share exactly what you needed from them or what they needed from you and though you never could have anticipated their arrival, in hindsight you can't imagine your life or that part of your life without them.
that the recording project is almost finished...or will be shortly...and I can just put it down and be done with it.  I hope it will turn out well...and maybe if I'm lucky it will turn out more than well...after all that worrying...that would be swell. (i didn't realize that rhymed til I read back over this--such a dork) I'll be working on it all break...when I'm not lounging by the pool, playing with my nephew or eating pumpkin pie---which let's face it, I will be doing a lot of that.  what??--all that beta-carotene has to be good for you:).
for Saturday/night and Laura and her incredible was amazing...I will post later about this.
what are you grateful for??
to be continued...

Thursday, November 20, 2008


                                   I can't wait to see him in one week! yay!

Nocturnal impressions...

I don't know what's wrong with me.  Because right 3:31 AM I feel like I could go start my day on top of the world...I'm starting to wind down, but just the fact that I don't wind down until several hours after midnight is a little strange...that if I go anywhere before noon I feel like I could possibly die.  But, apparently I have the genes of an owl...when it comes to internal clocks...and circadian rhythms...I have been trying to fix it...but it's so dang hard... how would you like it if the rest of the world woke up at 3am and went to bed at'd feel a little out of's like that all the time.  but, I do enjoy mornings...and afternoons... I feel like I've been missing out on them for years.     .....but 12am-6am I know all too well.

been thinking a lot lately...i've had a lot to say, but just haven't made the time to post...
tara brought up in her post today that I was my usual "calm, rational, optimist" self.  ha. sometimes I think I am the worst pessimist there is....but then, that may just be when it comes to my life.  And the advice on looking ahead too much or dwelling on the past...that was for me.  'cause I feel like I'm always missing today.  I have such big hopes and dreams for the future...but things don't just pop up in a day...and they happen in the "here and now" anyway.  Life happens in the moments.  It's great to have goals, but I feel like you reach them by what you do today...and you make memories by what you do today.  I'm always wanting to get ahead of myself, reaching for what's beyond my grasp...and then saddened by what didn't work out, or what I didn't do or how I wasted so much time on this or that..............and then immediately think of how I want to be where I'm not...................................thus, back and forth never in the moment.   I'll admit it.  Not a good philosophy.

I know this may be morbid, but the older I get the more I realize how short life is and how there's no time...and I think about dying...and I'm afraid it will come too soon.  I just don't want to wake up and realize I'm not in my "prime" anymore and I didn't do all those things I wanted to.  Actually I never want to wake up and realize I'm not in my prime...I just want to be moving and doing and never have enough time to think that I may be past my prime..I'll be past my prime when I'm long gone from this life...I'll still be in my prime when I'm 80.  I hope at least.

All I'm saying is....I think a lot of us at this age are thinking about this...and maybe it never ends...maybe my parents are thinking about it.  I'm just trying....trying my be more positive and happy and better to myself....mostly so I'm functioning...and also so I can help other people..which is important to me.  (I've used a lot of ....'s)

Being in SLC today with all of the city buildings and traffic and people and lights really started me itching to move to New York.  Deanna is applying to two schools in Manhattan, and Michelle is thinking of going to a photography school out there...and who knows what I would some experience...sit in Central Park with bums and pigeons...I don't even care.  I just need some culture in my life.  It's just something I want to in New York...while I can.  It kind of goes along with that living in the moment thing.

In other extra super sweet news...........

I'm going to the Coldplay concert on Saturday.  Deanna and I won tickets on a radio contest... and even better news....we get to go backstage and meet the band and get a private acoustic performance....jealous much?  I'll take a picture for will last longer:).

While we're on the topic of music..."Soon We'll Be Found" by Sia is like my favorite song right now...besides "Single Ladies"--if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it...that's always been my motto.

But, the one that is really speaking to me is Nikka Costa, "Someone For Everyone"...I can really relate to these lyrics:

where is my someone who'll always understand
the person who'd give everything just to take my hand
what if I never feel it, what if I never know
what if it just gets easier to spend this life alone

rolling with the punches hope my black and blue don't show
put the bright in my eyes so no one ever knows
how I feel on rainy days or what I'd do to have always
my hopes are almost suffocating but inside I know there's...

Someone for everyone

there's got to be more than just getting through the day
but I don't want to settle just to numb the pain away
I'm holding out for everything the obvious and in betweens
and some say pride lets heartache in but inside I know there's

Someone for everyone...

I sure hope so....I know I'm only 23...but I feel like I've been single for a LONG time. way too long. my time will come I we are back to the living in the moment dilemma.  okay moving on...

I wrote a song called Ready for Love...not to be confused with India.Arie's version which is possibly one of my most favorite songs ever...which I can also relate to..

my version 

Some people search the world for love
I know it's aimless just because,
I've been there time and time again,
singing a song that doesn't end

Careless and thoughtless I may be,
in other ways, but this I see,
You bring importance to our lives
You are extraordinary and I--

I would give all, all that I have
for you to stumble on my path
I want to please You, because I need You
tell me that I am ready for love

I've been around long enough to know,
many claim your name but it's just show
I don't need lights, glitter or shine
I just need you to say it's time

And I would give all, all that I have
for you to stumble on my path
I want to please You, because I need You
tell me that I am ready for love

Settle down over me, like morning dew..
or pour down like rain, but whatever you do
teach me your ways, show me your face
so when that day comes I'll know my place
And I will be ready, ready for love...

well, it's now I'm feeling a moral dilemma about being up this I shall sign off...until next time.

Lovesssss (as John would say)


Wednesday, November 5, 2008

the Truth will set you free...

I've been extremely hesitant to enter into any discussion about current politics because frankly any online debate or "comment war" on any website or forum I've been to seems a bit beneath me and honestly even beneath the subject matter.  I hate the notion that fighting for "tolerance" includes arguing, bickering, name-calling, hatred or any other negative reaction toward one another.  It seems like the biggest oxymoron there is: the biggest hypocritical sentiment in the world--"I hate you because you're intolerant".  I'm not quoting anybody directly, but the sentiment is there whenever you go to those places.  So frankly, I haven't gone and if I do happen upon such a discussion I find it better not to respond.  Even if I give the most objective, loving, open-minded opinion I know that I'm just chiming in on a bash war that I don't think anyone really has any intention of learning anything from or in having their eyes opened at all to the other side of the discussion.  
    Although there is a lot to discuss in the current/recently past election, I am mainly talking about the discussion on marriage and family and the propositions that have been passed to protect those institutions.  I just think that if two people sitting at their computers sending "you're a bigot", "you're a whoremonger" messages to each other were suddenly to drop dead and their spirits were shortly thereafter to meet in the next realm and they were to recognize themselves as the glorified beings they once were before coming to earth and experiencing the Fall and possibly to recognize one another as beings they one knew and loved, they wouldn't be continuing their discussion in heated fury.  I know I'd want to be embracing that person and not having to say, "I'm sorry I vandalized your sign" or "I'm sorry I called you all of those nasty things".  
    I don't think there is anything inherently wrong in having a difference of opinion and in voting based on your values whatever they may be.  I think you SHOULD take a stance for what you believe in.  But I think you also SHOULD be respected for that decision and ANY decision you make based on your values should come out of a place of love and acceptance for God's children and, for me, also a love of God and a desire to keep His commandments and be immovable in His kingdom (although I know that's not everyone's value system).  So to accuse each other of being "haters" or "ignorant" just seems to defeat one of the most important values which is to love one another.  I don't think God would be happy seeing His children hate each other in His name---whether you're voting for "equality" or "family".
Someone in my e-mail list sent me this link a few weeks ago and I found this video to be quite interesting.  Now, I can't say I stand completely behind the tone of this message.  Ideally, I would want it to sound a little more inviting, but these men speak about the difference between the civil rights movement and the gay rights movement.  I feel like they have more of a right to speak about it because they are all minorities when it comes to race, which I am not.  I mostly posting this for what Bishop G.A. Thompson of the Jubilee Christian Church in Boston, MA says at the end starting at about 3:35.  So if you don't care to hear all of it, I would just forward to there.  I don't know this person, but I feel like he says it like it is, and he seems like someone who is not a respecter of persons, who can find it in his heart to love all men and still call what is right right and what is wrong wrong.  Click here to view.

I often think about what Christ would be doing in this situation.  What would He be telling us, how would He have voted?  (Although I think if He were here in all His glory, we'd be looking to Him for leadership, not to someone else)  I don't understand the Christians whose sentiment is (roughly summarized)---I believe what the Bible says about loving one another more than what it says about homosexual sin so I'm going to go ahead and say that it's okay with me and it's okay with God for someone to live a homosexual lifestyle, because He loves all His children.  I understand this sentiment, partially because I would like to stand in the middle ground too and not deal with controversy from either side.  It's easier to be luke-warm isn't it?  I just don't get why the two ideas can't co-exist.  Why can't God have meant what he said about homosexual sin and meant what He said about loving all His children?   Why can't people see that this isn't or SHOULDN'T be about hating someone for the way they choose to live their life, but that it's about upholding a sacred institution that is essential for our exaltation and eternal joy.  I once heard in a religious talk, "it's unfortunate when people know enough about the gospel to feel the guilt, but not enough about it to feel the joy".   I don't think God's plan is to condemn us or to thrust us down to hell just for having carnal desires, but it's to uplift us and bring us to joy and salvation.  And I think if we look at it that way, we're not going to be hating anyone because of sin, we're hoping for redemption--for others and for ourselves.  
   When contemplating this issue of hating the sin, but not the sinner, I think of the story of the woman who was condemned before the council of men for having committed adultery and when she was brought before Christ He didn't condemn her or judge her, but told her to go and sin no more.  But He didn't say, I don't judge you...go and do whatever you please.  

There is so much more I could elaborate on this.  I just think we need to see it for what it is.  We need to do things out of love, and serve one another and remember that God isn't sitting up on his throne condemning us, but He's inviting us to come to Christ and be redeemed so we can be in His kingdom and He can give us all that He has.  He knows what will bring us the most joy and what will set us free.  I think if He wanted to condemn us and expected us to not sin, He wouldn't have sent his Son to die for us.  So of course He knows we're going to sin and of course He knows we will fail, but He's provided us with a way--Christ.

At the beginning of this election, I found myself pretty lukewarm on this issue.  I know what the Bible teaches, but I couldn't imagine taking away anyone's rights and how does it affect me anyway?  I have been searching for answers diligently since then.  And maybe my answers aren't the same as yours, but if you aren't sure how you feel about it, I would invite you to do the same.  I hope I don't offend anyone with this post...but then again, I'm just speaking from my heart from a very sincere and loving place and I don't think anyone can argue with that.

I read this quote by Neal A. Maxwell today, an apostle of the church who passed away about 4 years ago, before any of what is going on in our country was quite as relevant.  And yet, what he says is so spot on for today and how we are reacting as members of the church.

"Make no mistake about it, brothers and sisters, in the months and years ahead, events are likely to require each member to decide whether or not he will follow the First Presidency.  Members will find it more difficult to halt longer between two opinions.  President Marion G Romney said, many years ago, that he had 'never hesitated to follow the counsel of the Authorities of the Church even though it crossed my social, professional, or political life.'

This is hard doctrine, but it is particularly vital doctrine in a society which is becoming more wicked.  In short, brothers and sisters, not being ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ includes not being ashamed of the prophets of Jesus Christ... Your discipleship may see the time when such religious convictions are discounted...This new irreligious imperialism seeks to disallow certain opinions simply because those opinions grow out of religious conviction.

Resistance to abortion will be seen as primitive...Concern over the institution of the family will be viewed as untrendy and unenlightened...Before the ultimate victory of the forces of righteousness, some skirmishes will be lost.  Even in these, however, let us leave a record so that the choices are clear, letting others do as they will in the face of prophetic counsel.  There will also be times, happily, when a minor defeat seems probable, but others will step forward, having been rallied to rightness by what we do.  We will know the joy, on occasion, of having awakened a slumbering majority of the decent people of all races and creeds which was, till then, unconscious of itself.  Jesus said that when the fig trees put forth their leaves, 'summer is nigh.'  Thus warned that summer is upon us, let us not then complain of the heat."

--Elder Neal A. Maxwell

I hate that we as people are becoming so divided over this issue, but the prophets of old and new have told us it would happen.  I just hope that we can continue to love and support one another although we disagree.  

Thanks for indulging me with my thoughts,


Monday, November 3, 2008

more sunshine...

Here's another video I forgot to include.  He just discovered 'peek-a-boo', but he only covers one he can see what's going on of course.  Then for some reason he is pulling his hair.  I just think it's cute how he's trying to talk to me at the end.

This was over 4th of July...9 months old, teething and just learning to crawl.  They grow so fast. I love his breathing and the miscalculated depth perception on his first attempt at grabbing the chair.  Try, try again.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

A little bit of sunshine...

Nothing can win you over quite like the smile of a happy child.  Whenever I feel down, I look at pictures of my nephew Will and his happy little face and try to be uplifted by his bright little countenance.  Kinda strange to say a baby is your role model...but aren't they the best example of what joy and happiness is?? really. And...let's face it...he's the cutest thing ever.  Here are some pictures from when we all got to see each other at Mike Allen's wedding.

He loves his snacks.
Happy family:)
Can this kid possibly be any cooler?
"Say Mom" We were just talking about Will saying "dad" and how he hasn't said "mom" yet, and then he just started saying it.  In actuality, it was probably just baby gibberish...but it had impeccable timing.  I love how he can't sit still and also at the end when he's trying to get Michael's attention by grabbing his pant leg...I'm gonna go out on a limb and say I am too easily amused, and anything he does is like amazing to me. ha ha. funny how that works.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008


So...I put my sheets and blanket in the wash today and then forgot about it's now 1:40 am and I would like to go to bed, but have to wait for the dryer to sound that they are ready. these days.

I was reading a friend's post can find her on my 'fellow bloggers' list....and, I just felt like I could really really really.  So...I am going to copy her post...and fill it with the things I have been thinking about...hope you don't mind.

I have... too many things on my mind all the time, and not enough things in my hands. (i.e. I'm not doing practically any of them).
I fear... always being like this also..good one Tara.
I always... tell myself I'm going to do something and then let myself down...I am such a flake to myself sometimes...sorry self.
I feel... like I should be doing more with my life...
I hear... the fan blowing in Michelle's room...and the plastic bag that is caught in its really...I hear... too many thoughts in my head...
I smell... the Fall. and I love it. and also what Tara said..."change in the air".  We can do it.
I wish... I hadn't taken so long to get here. I wish I could have some of those days back.
I hate... when people hate each other.  I hate when people hate each other and accuse each other in the name of tolerance.  It's just so wrong.
I wonder... how long I have to wait to find you...
I regret... not going to all my classes and getting the most out of college.  
I love... being around people I love.  
I am... committing myself to look forward to the future with more hope and invigoration.
I think... I need to stop thinking... and start doing.
I know... God loves us.
I want... to spend time with my family.
I always... procastinate....and stay up too late.
I am not... a judgmental person.
I am like... sweet honey melting in a cup of warm tea.
I believe... we can change the world for the better...yes, even you...even me.
I don't always... tell myself the truth.
I am happy that... I have parents that are there for me and help and support me even when I feel like the biggest loser.
I win... the coolest catherine you've ever known award. and also kickball, when shane and katie are on my team...we rock.
I lose... everything. especially my keys right when I have to go somewhere immediately.  
I never... cry in front of's an unusual occurrence.
I need... to get back in shape...and get my life organized.
I listen... to soul music when I am alone in my kitchen cooking and cleaning.  Al Green hits the spot every time.
I am scared of... the future...and being alone forever.  but I'm working on that.
I read... every night before I go to bed.  "Following Christ" by Stephen Robinson is the book I'm reading right now...amazing.

umm...right so....that's it.  I started feeling really motivated right around conference weekend, and then I lost it for a couple weeks, but I'm starting to feel re-inspired.  I'm not really too keen on the idea of this being the "decade of decisions".  In some ways I don't feel a day over 18, but in others I feel like I'm 40....or 80...or something like that...not young and energized, but not old and experienced and satisfied with my life either.  I am grateful though, that the gospel teaches us to put our faith in the One who has promised us everything.  I am finding a lot more hope in Him these days.  Not because He is just now revealing it, but because I'm trying to open my darkened eyes and see what I have been too stubborn to see before.  And I think all of us twentysomethings have a lot more to look forward to than we think.  We are only as good to ourselves and to society as we imagine ourselves to be...and I think God can help us see that a little more clearly.  

that's all.

I really hope my sheets are dry.

ta ta,


Monday, October 20, 2008

Jacob Luttrell

This is my mentor/friend/producer/collaborator/all of the above Jacob Luttrell.  He's touring with Nikka Costa right now and I would just like to share the "sickness" of which he is....he's sick...not with cancer or the bird flu...but with amazingness.  I have come accustomed to seeing him whip out something disgusting like this on multiple occasions.  And by disgusting I mean ridiculous.  Just go here and here to see what I mean...


Friday, October 17, 2008

Hotel Cafe-Winter Songs

I've an idealist....I am a firm believer of making the most of everyday and finding purpose in the journey, not just looking to the destination.  I personally think we mostly get to the "destination"...or that the "destination" finding our way there and growing and learning on the journey.  So....I've come to the realization that I have been really poor at adhering to my own ideals.  And I'm really trying to change that.  So...even though I hate the idea of heading back into winter...and long months of dreadful cold and snowy roads and hiding beneath my winter coat for months upon months....there actually is a lot to look forward to in winter.  And I'm going to go out there and carve my pumpkin, drink my apple cider, spend time with friends and loved ones, frolic in the fallen leaves, wear a warm scarf as much as possible, go caroling, decorate the tree and enjoy it!!!  

Along with that...I've been getting in the spirit with a little music...and I stumbled upon quite a gem in my email inbox today....

So apparently The Hotel Cafe has released this special Christmas/Winter album and part of the proceeds are going Susan G. Komen for the Cure.  I am broke right now...yes, that broke that I didn't want to spend $9.99 on the whole album.  But, I sampled all the tracks and they sound as soon as I can, I'm going to buy the whole thing.  BUT, "Winter Song" by Sara Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson is definitely speaking to my soul right now and fitting exactly in with my pledge to enjoy this season and make it full of meaning.  You really should check it out...and support breast cancer research...double bonus.

I think this is a time for family and if I haven't seen you for a while...drop a line.  I've probably been missing you.

I recorded some songs for Christmas last year and I'm going to try to put some of that music on facebook.  So, you can go there to get in the spirit, too. yay.

Much love,


Wednesday, October 8, 2008

The Idealist...

So I took this personality test---72 yes or no questions.  And suddenly my entire identity is laid out before me under the title, "The Idealist".  To be honest though, it is frighteningly accurate.  This is what it says about me:

As an INFP, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you deal with things according to how you feel about them, or how they fit into your personal value system.  Your secondary mode is external, where you take things primarily via your intuition.

INFPs, more than other iNtuitive Feeling types, are focused on making the world a better place for people.  Their primary goal is to find out their meaning in life.  What is their purpose?  How can they best serve humanity in their lives?  They are idealists and perfectionists, who drive themselves hard in their quest for achieving the goals they have identified for themselves.

INFPs are highly intuitive about people.  They rely heavily on their intuitions to guide them, and use their discoveries to constantly search for value in life.  They are on a continuous mission to find the truth and meaning underlying things.  Every encounter and every piece of knowledge gained gets sifted through the INFP's value system, and is evaluated to see if it has any potential to help the INFP define or refine their own path in life. The goal at the end of the path is always the same--the INFP is drive to help people and make the world a better plae.

Generally thoughtful and consider, INFPs are good listeners and put people at ease.  Although they may be reserved in expressing emotion, they have a very deep well of caring and are genuinely interested in understanding people.  This sincerity is sensed by others, making the INFp a valued friend and confidante.  An INFP can be quite warm with people he or she knows well.

INFPS do not like conflict, and go to great lengths to avoid it.  If they must face it, they will always approach it from the perspective of their feelings.  In conflict situations, INFps place little importance on who is right and who is wrong.  They focus on the way that the conflict makes them feel, and indeed don't really care whether or not they're right.  They don't want to feel badly.  This trait sometimes makes them appear irrational and illogical in conflict situations.  On the other hand, INFPs are very good mediators, and are typically good at solving other people's conflicts, because they intuitively understand people's perspectives and feelings, and genuinely want to help them.

INFPs are flexible and laid-back, until one of their values is violated.  In the face of their value system being threatened, INFPs can become aggressive defenders, fighting passionately for their cause.  When an INFP has adopted a project of job which they're interested in, it usually becomes a "cause" for them.  Although they're not detail-oriented individuals, they will cover every possible detail with determination and vigor when working for their "cause".  

When it comes to the mundane details of life maintenance, INFPS are typically completely unaware of such things.  They might go for long periods without noticing a stain on the carpet, but carefully and meticulously brush a speck of dust off of their project booklet.

INFPs do not like to deal with hard facts and logic.  Their focus on their feelings and the Human Condition makes it difficult for them to deal with impersonal judgement.  They don't understand or believe in the validity of impersonal judgement, which makes them naturally rather ineffective at using it.  Most INFPs will avoid impersonal analysis, although some have developed this ability and are able to be quite logical.  Under stress, it's not uncommon for INFPs to mis-use hard logic in the heat of anger, throwing out the fact (often inaccurate) fact in an emotional outburst.

INFPs have very high standards and are perfectionists.  Consequently, they are usually hard on themselves, and don't give themselves enough credit.  INFPs may have problems working on a project in a group, because their standads are likely to be higher than the other members' of the group.  In group situations, they may have a "control" problem.  The INFP needs to work on balancing their high ideals with the requirements of every day living.  Without resolving conflict, they will never be happy with themselves, and they may become confused and paralyzed about what to do with their lives.

INFPs are usually talented writers.  They may be awkward and uncomfortable with expressing themselves verbally, but have a wonderful ability to define and express what they're feeling on paper.  INFPs also appear frequently in social service professions, such as counseling or teaching.  They are at their best in situation where they're working towards the public good, and in which they don't need to use hard logic.

INFPs who function in their well-developed can accomplish great and wonderful things, which they will rarely give themselves credit for.  Some of the great, humanistic catalysts in the world have been INFPs.

So there you have it...Apparently I am in a class with Shakespeare and Beethoven.

We discovered that I am most highly compatible with ENFJs....and it turns out my roommate Michelle is an was meant to be.

Peace in the middle, but seriously--


Thursday, October 2, 2008

Smelly Engineer...

I haven't showered in two days, 8 want to know why???.....

I've been mixing....straight.  And all I'm gonna say is that "Apologize" is sounding like the bomb-dizzle and you all best be excited for Noteworthy's next album....Peace.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

"Just when I thought you couldn't get any dumber...

You go and do something like this....."

Sometimes you make mistakes in life.  Sometimes those mistakes make you look like a real idiot.  Sometimes you don't even know you're making the mistake when you're making it.  But you still look like a real idiot.

In other words....I feel like an idiot today. Dang.

Monday, September 29, 2008

Different than you thought

Have you ever been in a situation for a substantial amount of time (a relationship, job, friendship, etc) and then suddenly came to the realization that things are not really the way you perceived they were?  That that person doesn't really feel the way you thought they felt about you, or you're really not doing as well at work as you thought you were, or your perception of life and the way it was is not really how it is....

It's not like coming out of a breakup or a bad friendship or losing a job, where you are forced to look in hindsight at the situation.  I mean when you're right in the middle of it...and nothing really has changed, except you're suddenly shocked at the way things are and that you couldn't possibly have seen it coming.  That realization is almost embarrassing in a way.  And then what do you do about it...  It's like waking up and walking out the door with something super awkwardly wrong with you---like underwear stuck to your pant leg, or a fresh mud mask on your face.  You go about your day completely unaware that anything is wrong, while the rest of the world is staring and judging you in your predicament.  I suppose it's best to just shrug it off and go about your life like you intended it to be that way...right?  I don't know...

In other news....Michelle (roommate) and I were looking up the "23 Enigma" online since apparently she has weird/bazaar/scary connections to that number and unbeknownst to her, there is an entire enigma surrounding it...look it up, youtube probably explains it better than I would.  But, I thought it was kind of random/funny that my last post was on July "23"rd.  If I could somehow pen the theme to the "Twilight Zone" I would...'s been way too long.  and I apologize to my 2 readers out there.  Thank you for your patience.  I'm back...hopefully to stay.


Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Pictorama 2

Gearing up the night before.  Those shorts make me laugh.  They're heinous, and simultaneously the most comfortable things ever.  I wish I could say I ran the half marathon in flip flops...what would you do for fashion?
  "I made it.  I want to die now."
This picture might look cheerful, but I was contemplating the mass array of pain circulating my body.  


Kik and I in Mesa; this was part of my "doing nothing and enjoying it phase" of the summer...I think I'm still in that.
Singing at Jack's wedding
                       The happy couple

A little of this and that along the way...

A little birdie (Amy) reminded me that I needed a new post.  I know all of my avid readers have been waiting and furiously gnawing at their fingernails for another post...("gnawing" is kind of a gross word, so is "noshing"--not a fan.  I never get why they use that word in health magazines.  It sounds like what someone who is binge eating would do.  "I'm going to go 'nosh' on some strawberries."  Sounds disgusting.  But what do I know of health food jargon.  A lot actually.  Why?  I'll explain later.

  I can't believe the summer is halfway over.  What have I been doing?  Glad you asked.  Let me just diagram this out for you will be easier.

May 23--Provo, UT to Mesa, AZ=642.39 miles  (No A/C ) went to Kartchner Caverners, Tombstone, celebrated my birthday
May 26--Mesa, AZ to LA, CA=401.27 miles   (No A/C) rehearsed with Jacob's band, saw Wicked for the second time (on the front row), made a brief stop at Venice Beach, played at The Mint, got my A/C fixed for the FIRST time, hung out with my mom
May 30--LA, CA to Mesa, AZ=401.27 miles (Refreshingly cooler)  saw Ashkan and fiance, did absolutely nothing around my house for 3 weeks, went to the doctor---will explain later, got the A/C fixed for the SECOND time
June 16--Mesa, AZ to Provo, UT=642.39 miles had a Jamba Juice, discussed Johnny Depp at the MTV Movie Awards and went to bed
June 17-Provo, UT to Rexburg, ID=282.71 miles picked up Debra Donkin and celebrated her 20th birthday by listening to show tunes and musical soundtracks....and was thoroughly entertained by her singing (and likewise mine) all the way to...
Rexburg, ID to Portland, OR=734.63 miles  it was a long day...and lots of show tunes...Wicked served us well but I'd have to say my favorite was probably Pete's Dragon and Oklahoma...classic.
In Portland I well...visited all my favorite places...went running, biking, and hiking, bought some fabulous shoes and sang at Jackie's wedding (one of the most stressful days ever---3 hours of sleep never does the body good).  Jackie looked fabulous (and Brian but I'm not allowed to say that, don't worry Jack--the man in the wet suit is all yours) and the cake was amazing and eventually the pills I took to relieve the severe allergic reaction to all of the flowers kicked in and the knockout that ensued was blissful.
June 23 Portland to Rexburg=734.63 miles  Spent an uneventful night in Rexburg watching SYTYCD, hot tubbing in someone else's bathing suit who I still haven't met and geared up for another half day on the road
June 24 Rexburg to Provo=282.71 miles, was home for what felt like a day, had my A/C looked at twice and finally fixed for the THIRD time, decided that day to drive to Denver to see my family for the 4th
July 3 Provo to Denver, CO=482.37 miles  Played with my adorable nephew who can now crawl, ate a fruit tart at the Devil's Food bakery, went for a stroll in Washington Park, met up with some old friends for dinner, watched the fireworks outside of Coor's stadium, tried to run at 5800 feet, watched the Spiderwick Chronicles all the way through and then logged another classic quote into my memory log of classic quotes made by my mother, "I just don't get why she goes back to being young at the end."--the movie has goblins and fairies in it...but that's not what concerned it's supposed to make sense. oh mom.  I also started reading "Hunger Free Forever" and learned that at one point in the recent past 100% of the Pima Indians in Arizona were obese and nearly all had diabetes...good book and very enlightening on the health status of America and how to prevent heading in that direction.
Sometime after that--Denver to Provo=482.37 miles

I put alot of miles on my car.

In recent news...I got a job working for Ensign media as a mix engineer and producer.  Their website is and you can download all of the church music your heart desires for free.  I'm also in charge of finding talent...preferably native speakers...well singers in Russian, Korean, French, Italian, Hawaiian and so if you know anyone.

On Friday, Amy and I headed down to Bryce Canyon to run a 1/2 marathon.  Quick diversion to the health reference I made previously.  Being out of school and having all of this time on my hands I decided to go to the doctor and see what kind of damage I had done to my body during the last 5 years of constant stress and agony over school, relationships, etc etc. Well, not just for the sheer joy of finding out all of the problems, but in hopes that I could fix some things.  After several tests and some riveting questionnaires, we found out my adrenal glands were all but shot...too overworked by stress they have decided to vacay....except I am still here...needing them...we're on bad terms now.  So with that and a slight tear in my right quad muscle, I was having trouble training.  Alas, the week of the blessed race came and the course looked too beautiful and the idea was too intriguing to give it up.  So with a little rest and a lot of determination I set out at 5am Sat morning to prove that I'm an idiot.  Pre-marathon I had only run about 4 miles consistently and by consistent I mean maybe once a week.  So why not 13? heck.  Well, the morning was beautiful and the light coming over the canyon was so inspiring that with my iPod and asthma inhaler in tow, I ran the 13.1 miles into Cannonville and took my well deserved medal in just under 2 hrs and 50 minutes. Okay, Okay...I didn't run all 13 miles.  I ran to mile 7, walked mile 7-8, and ran/walked from 8-13.  I've never been so sore in my life.  I've gotten over the wobbling for the most part and was able to walk fairly normally today.  But after all of that, I still finished 394th out of over 800 runners....I didn't even know if I would finish let alone in the time allotment they gave us of 3 hours.  Amy, who was able to train and is in amazing shape now, ran it in 2:10 and placed 217th.  I look pretty shabby next to her...but who wouldn't.

Well I actually have MORE to post, but I need to get to sleep.  So I'll save that for later.  But, I'm trying to include some pictures and I obviously can't figure out the correct way to format these.  Do I add them to the post first and THEN write around them?  So confusing.

Topics for my next post should include: John Mayer, the Ultimate Running Mix of America playlist, videos of Will crawling and anything else that life inspires...until then...

peace & love-


Oh and my A/C is broken again.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

I'm a slacker...

Sorry it's been so long since I posted last.  I made too many promises, but I'm starting to deliver.  I need to go to bed, but I wanted to post some pictures from graduation weekend and specifically my nephew Will, cause he's the cutest thing on the planet (in my opinion).  So here goes: (my first attempt at picture posting).

                                                     I'm obviously the favorite aunt.

haha, what is that face??

Next will have to be video from my birthday and the Fremont St shoot-out in Tombstone and of course the bike pictures I promised, and a little reflection I'm having on life at the moment as I'm here at home in Arizona.  Stay tuned and take care-


Thursday, May 22, 2008

A shout out to Archie

Not that I watch that insanely commercialized show which claims to showcase America's finest singers---which I sympathize, must be nearly impossible to do given the extreme implications of that feat (but if Jason Castro can make it on there, anyone can.)  I digress...and not that I really care whose name claims the title for one year and then is forgotten about---Taylor Hicks who??? Because really we all know that it's the really talented, hard-working, marketable ones that make it in the business anyway--not the one who wins. Besides, both finalists get the Hybrid SUV which is pretty sweet in my car, good for the environment, easy on the checkbook...I digress again... 

What I'd like to say is...Tuesday coming into the finals of said show (well I guess it was never said...but you know what I mean), I really didn't care which David would be America's favorite.  Both of them are talented, both of them are well-liked and both have promising futures.  

But come on, America...did anybody watch Tuesday's show?? Archuleta killed it.  Just to preface my statements though, I totally prefered Cook for most of the season and though obviously Archuleta was good, his voice was just too honey smooth for me and too safely kept in that high tenor range.  He just didn't have that edge for me that I wanted to hear from him.  But over the last few weeks, Cook started to plateau, singing flat high notes and dull performances.  And then Archuleta comes in with a breathtaking performance of "And so it goes" was amazing...I think we watched it 4 times.  And then the finale...did anybody in America watch it???  Archlueta freaking ripped up his first song, letting go all inhibition and and gave a truly inspiring performance.  My jaw dropped.  And as much as I wanted Cook to show us his game, he awfully underestimated.  I was almost certain coming into the show tonight what the result would be...honestly I thought it was a given.

But then the moment Simon started re-calling his statements from last night, I knew something shifty was happening.  I just don't understand how after that, 12 million votes could swing the result in the wrong direction.  Seriously, were all of those people deaf?  Maybe the voters were from Florida.

So this is my shout out to Archie...who proved himself Tuesday night in that show's not like I watch every week.  He should've won.  And America is stupid.  The end.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

On My Own...short time only

I put up a song that is going to be on my album on myspace.  It's completely unmixed and really just in progress.  But, I feel the need to get my music out there because I tell people I'm recording an album but nobody's heard my music.  So, for a short while I will have this track up, but since it's so rough draft I will take it down and maybe put up something else in progress.  Like a progress report.  or not, cause those usually include bad markings from your teacher and that upset look your parents give you when they want to tell you that you're an underachiever.  Anyway.  The track is called "On My Own" and it's on my myspace:



P.S. Next time I will tell you about National Ride Your Bike To Work Day and taking a sexy picture with the mayor.  stay tuned :)!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Day 2...

I ran 4 miles today in 38 minutes.  I haven't run over 3 miles in at least a year.  Minor accomplishment to some, but 4 miles at 4,549 feet without my inhaler--because unfortunately I suffer from exercise induced asthma--was quite a feat.  A "mile"stone if you will...ha, I'm bad with puns.  

So I ran up at Rock Canyon Park: one loop is 1/2 mile.  I find the route quite splendid.  There are two hills followed by straight-aways and a gorgeous view on both sides.  For being one who usually hates monotonous running in circles, I quite enjoy it.  Today there were a couple groups of teenagers ice blocking, playing frisbee and picnicking on the interior of the trail as I ran and by my 7th lap apparently they took notice and sent a chestnut-haired boy over to run with me and all snickered at this daring maneuver.  Needless to say, I couldn't hear him because my music was turned up so loud.  And despite realizing that he was probably going to say something incredibly stupid, I turned down my music and was ready to remark on how it must be really hard to be cool these days, 9th grade is the pits, (which would have been quite the insult...since he was clearly in the 10th grade), when he said:

"How is your run?"
me: "Good" *pant*
"Oh well, uh, umm, my friends thought this would be, bye"

His tone was reluctant and at that point I figured the sarcastic comment about the 9th grade would have just rubbed in the fact that he had just realized he'd been peer-pressured into acting like an idiotic prick.

The rest of my day has been spent reading a book on the life of Chopin, while listening to his 24 preludes out on my deck, and engaging in the all too favorite past-time of exposing my skin to damaging UV rays in order to look like an aborigine.  Well, the shade of one.

Off to go finish unpacking my room (I've only been here 2 weeks) and get all set up so I can start mixing Noteworthy.  I can't start on anything in there until everything is put neatly in its place...blame the OCD in me.  

Until next time,


My first post...

So I've thought about getting one of these for a little while now.  Every time (I thought 
"every time" was one word--dang squiggly red line) I go to make one though, I realize I still haven't thought of an interesting url or blog title.  And.... I still don't.  So my name, that's easy...and the title is subject to change I guess.  

Now that I'm out of school with all this free time on my hands, why not waste everyone else's with futile details of my life and the day to day.  I guess that's reason #2 why I avoided making the blog.  What if no one reads it.  Should there be something disconcerting about sharing your thoughts on the world wide web only to let them sink away into some cyber-waste dump pile?  Ah, heck.  

So I'm obviously new to this and I just clicked on some template accidentally and now my page is the color of a bright unripe avocado.  Sorry about that.  As soon as I figure out how to do something less heinous with it, I will.

Well, I guess the first post should share with you (my avid readers), some news about my life.  Since much has happened ("much" meaning "a lot", not "of magnitude"--necessarily), it might serve well to make a list, maybe like a laundry list, or a top ten list or an inventory, if you will.

1) I graduated.  I now have a Bachelor of Music in Media Music and a certificate in Sound Recording Technology, 5 years of anxiety to de-stress from, and no clue where to go from here.

2)  I'm training for a half marathon.  That's 13.1 miles... I'm somehow incorporating this into my de-stressing program. 

3)  Tracking for Noteworthy's second album is almost finished.  Thank you to the ladies for singing so well and putting up with my lousy equipment, and contributing to my rent fund.

4)  I'm producing Noteworthy's second album--just for all those who aren't quick to assume.

5)  Amy and I started our official training on Monday with cross-training, i.e. biking.  Our first 2 minutes into the ride she ate it on a curb, skid across some grass,  and hit a tree.  It was hard core, to say the least.  She didn't cry, but swore of biking for eternity.  Pics to come.  I ended up running on the treadmill.  

6)  Utah is nice this time of year, when it's not hailing out of the blue during the one hour I choose to move the rest of my belongings from my old house to my new house, or snowing during the graduation processional...I'll have plenty more time to rant about the weather.

7)  My birthday is in three weeks...I feel like I've been 23 for at least 6 months now.  Time to make it official.

8)  My family came to visit for graduation and I got to see my nephew, who is probably my most favorite person on the planet.  I know no one cares as much as me, but I have pictures and video...just you wait.

9)  My album progress is not going to happen exactly as planned seeing as my producer is moving next week to California and it turns out I was staying in Utah for the sole objective to work with him.  However, since the plans were made I'm rolling with it and going to enjoy my time with friends and sunshine that does not include 118 degrees (home is in Arizona).  I'm not complaining though, I get to live in a really nice place on a budget I can afford with great roommates and a new "previously owned vehicle" to whip around town in.  All in all I think it's going to be a good summer.  

10) There is no number ten that I can think of really.  I feel like I'm already just coming up with mundane details anyway.  But for now, "Lost" was crazy last night. What?  My brain might explode with all of the possibilities of what is going on.  There better be a good tie-in to this story, or I might sue ABC for all of the hours I've spent totally confused.  Is there a plausible case for that?  Should I even ask.  Oh, concerning #9, I will still be recording an album...don't you fret.  

Well, I apologize for the stark cynicism of this post.  It's late...or early...I promise to be more cheery next time.