ah...where does the time go?

...the question I am asking myself as I sit here at 12:15am, munching on some raisin bran crunch, keenly aware of every little creak the otherwise silent house makes, afraid it's my mother coming downstairs appalled that I am still awake, and even worse--eating. oh well. that's what happens when you're staying in your parent's house.  I should go to bed though, because I will probably wake up to Minuet in G at 6:45am when my mom starts teaching piano lessons. goody.

I feel like my posts have become like long diary entries...sorry I don't have more pictures or videos to post.  I would if a) my camera weren't the crappiest thing ever and 2) my computer hadn't begun sucking it up so I had to remove all my files...which I haven't loaded back into iphoto yet.  so...I'll try to illustrate through google images of what I've been up to.

that's me up there, getting a massage... notice how calm and serene I look.  I actually did get a massage today, but I probably didn't look like that.  My face, squished into the head rest thing, was probably really unattractive since I was so relaxed, every muscle in my face probably hung there like a dead thing...that is a really strange visual...sorry about that.

massages are the best.  My mom gets them in exchange for teaching piano lessons for three siblings.  She gave Kik and I one for Christmas and it was amazing, so she let me have another one.  and also, it was amazing.  I think I could get used to this.  It's very therapeutic...and I need that every once in a while.

so I'm on the tail end of this recording project and all of a sudden I feel like I am just discovering the part of the iceberg below water.  I have an entire song to edit and a portion of another to edit and a few random things to record...like snaps.  why I don't think of these things sooner.  and time is moving fast...yaknow how the sand always looks like it's moving faster when the hourglass is running out?  So, I quit editing about an hour ago, but I have been just playing around on the computer...so I probably should've kept editing.  

It's been a huge learning experience for me, I literally learned something yesterday that would've been really helpful to know for the last 12 songs.  But, that's how it goes.  I believe that if something is worth it, it's meant to be hard.  And this has been really really really really hard.  So many things have come in the way...poor planning (on my part), recording glitches, computer inefficiencies, computer crashes, new software, learning new software, mice that don't work--what the eff?!?!, car crashes, hospital stays, computer crashes, computer incompatibilities, the learning curve of America, other responsibilities, poor health, Satan, you name it---it's gotten in my way.  I just can't wait for the day we finish the masters, send in the album art and I can just walk away from it and enjoy the final product. bliss.

In high school, we had this thing called "Living the Meaning of Life".  It was our mantra...and we kept it well.  I have been trying over the past 5 years to get back to that point in my life.  True, I didn't have a job, I knew where I was headed next, I knew I didn't have much to worry about, I lived solely in the present with appreciation for the past and hope for the future.  Why it's so hard to get back there, I don't know.  As you've probably read in my past entries, I've been on a quest to change my life to be more like this.  It's not as easy as I hoped.  I was recently reading "The Last Lecture" by Randy Pausch.  It was so intoxicating, I actually read it in a day.  What amazes me about that guy--for those who don't know, he was a professor at Carnegie Mellon who gave his "last lecture" or farewell speech knowing he only had months to live at the age of 47 with three small children---was not the wisdom he had in knowing his life was about to end, not the way he went out--although he did kind of go out with a bang, millions of hits on youtube, a special on abc and a book---but it was the way he lived his life...before the Last Lecture, before he knew anything about his cancer diagnosis, just how he lived his entire life.  That's what was fascinating to me.  If I died in three months, I would probably have a lot of regrets, and although his regrets were mostly not being with his children, he really had lived a lot in 47 years and that inspires me.  If you have not heard of it, you can watch it on youtube, but you really should read the book.

Anyway, it's just got me thinking.  Change in my life has taken place slowly one step at a time, through daily work and learning, but habits can be thick and hard to break sometimes.  

I have been trying to sleep better and have successfully reversed some of my negative sleeping patterns while being home.  Though they are not quite normal yet, they're not as bad as they had been.  And I've been exercising everyday.  The weather here is amazing, so it's hard NOT to get outside during the day.  I'm going to lose weight before my sister's wedding.  Despite the fact that I'm single...a college grad in Utah and single...so rare these days...I'd like to at least be a hotter single college grad.  yaknowudimean.

thoughts of New York have sprung up again.  I think I'm gonna go. The question is when.  And I'm also thinking of going to Miami for my birthday. I've never been to Florida.  I miss Jackie.  Orlando is in the general vicinity--not really, but whatever--and you get into Disneyworld for free on your birthday.  party bonus.  It's my golden birthday---24 on the 24th...so I think Disneyworld is the right venue for that.

Well, I forgot what the point of this was.  but it's time to sleep.  to all my friends, I miss you.  I have been gone way too long.  If you're interested in living the meaning of life...hit me up.

-C