I just love this woman.

Love. Chapter 1: Love is a choice.

**if you want to get down to the point of this post, skip to "Chapter 1."

Preface

I've had this blog post in my head for a week or two now. I don't know why I'm deciding to write it now, at 1 am on a wednesday night/thursday morning after musing on it and almost writing it several times before this. I wasn't going to write it at all actually. I have been thinking about cutting down on my blogging/facebooking/tweeting/youtubing/gmailing/etc etc in general. These are hard habits to break, but the point is to stay connected and...I agree with Christopher's sentiment on this week's podcast final thought....I'd rather be connected to 5 of you one on one, in your presence, even on the phone, than find out through fb what 1,000 people are up to. And it bothers me that I feel more connected to my close friends that are scattered in AZ, UT, OR, CA, NY, WI, IL, IA, TX, WA, PA, etc through the internet than in real life (I'm sorry if I forgot someone...shout it out!) And I just finished my album and part of me just wants to take a step back and spend a little more time seeing, hearing, absorbing, pondering, sampling, changing, learning, stretching, loving and living life and the world around me. I want to fill myself back up with life and love, let it incubate for a time and then put it down on paper. I've spent so much time on the output in the last few months, it's time for a re-charge. So my diary entries may become less public, which probably won't bother you, because how many of you really want to read a novel about what I'm thinking? And I will try to spend my time connecting in other ways with real people...where are they to be found? I don't know, but I want to find them...so I will.

I went on a run tonight...I needed to get out some angst I'd been feeling. I ran this morning, about 3 miles and with tonight that makes 5. Sometimes I wonder if this uneasiness I'm feeling in my soul really has to do with the desire I put out there to lose another 25 pounds...it's really just a manifestation of the image of what I want that I put out into the universe...it's answering me with an unfulfilled heart, so I will run my pain away and drop that extra weight. I've figured it out. Genius. Anyway, Coldplay accompanied me on this run under a full moon (or almost full.) The X&Y album brought me back to a different time...to a scar that I have done my best to and continually try to heal, but sometimes still find bleeding. This song--What if I got it wrong, and no poem or song, could put right what I got wrong, or make you feel I belong. What if you should decide, that you don't want me there by your side. That you don't want me there in your life.--played first...my very fear that came true. And I'm fine now that it did. But, I don't want to believe it will always come true...so I toughened up and ran harder. And then this one. I don't care what you say about this song...how it's over played, over covered, not that good, cliche, not your favorite....it will probably always be one of my favorite songs because it means something personal to me, and I might've cried a little when I saw it live (on the 3rd row my friends!!!) Because it means sadness and loss and eventual redemption. And it takes me back to that frigid day in November when he unloaded all of his angst about life and other girls and life again on me and I took it and held his hand and told him it would be okay, and when he was done he told me again that it wasn't going to work and that I should go, and he put his coat on me, kissed my forehead and let me walk away. At least he cared that I wasn't cold, and though he loved me, he didn't choose me, and it wasn't enough. So I walked home in an over-sized winter coat with literal tears streaming down my face because this time, for the first time in a year, he chose not to walk by my side, and I listened to "Fix You" through my headphones on repeat (I'm sure this was a really sad and mostly pathetic sight to see) and then spent 3 days in the bathtub with this song on repeat...Chris Martin, you understood my pain and couldn't have put it more plainly. And finally years later I'm living that hope that I held onto lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones and I will try to fix you. Though nobody did come to fix me, mend my heart, fill that void, take his place except for extremely loving family and friends and a loving Heavenly Father, all of which I could not live without...with their help and on my own, I fixed myself. Sometimes life brings you back there though...not to a place where you're not over that person...those feelings are long gone...but just not over what happened to you and the fear of it happening to you again. So I spoke with my loving big brother on the phone, took a bath with essential oils this time instead of the usual gardenia bubbles, cozied up in my bath robe (cause who really likes to wear real clothes), put on my hot pink socks (ow ow!) that I got at the BYU Creamery--3 for $1--to snuggle my feet...yes...I just said that...sometimes you need a good snuggle, and enjoyed a fat free yoplait raspberry cheesecake yogurt. It's all about the small things. (yoplait made into my last blog post, what is this?) So I am relaxed and ready to spill my mind on the topic of discussion for today: love.

Disclaimer: These are only my unadulterated thoughts from my own misguided and limited experiences. Take them with a grain of salt if you must, or take them to heart. This is mainly for you single people out there. If you're in a healthy, happy, committed relationship and preferably marriage relationship...you can disregard this entire post. But I hope you do read it and you tell me what you think, because I'd rather this be a discussion. And since you have reached this phenomenon of a situation, if you disagree with me, you are automatically right and I wrong....though I may still use my discretion to determine that. Here we go.

Chapter 1: Love is a choice.

You're about to think that I'm completely unromantic, but I will attempt to prove you wrong. I took a class in college (I think it was the one on the proclamation on the family, but I'm not sure) and the professor said something that just ignited a giant light bulb in my brain. He was talking about the idea of soul mates and how our generation is caught up with the idea that there is one person out there who is destined to be our soul mate and we must find them or else we'll never be happy and when we do find them our souls collide like magnets and we can't live or breathe without that person and we're completely compelled to love them because of this cloud of incredible love that we're floating on...we can't see the ground and everything about them makes us go wild and it's almost toxic how in love we are and we just can't help how we feel and it's not our fault...they're our soul mate and it's destiny.

I think I just puked a little in my mouth....not really, but I don't like this idea very much at all. He said, "You think this is extremely romantic. You think the idea of finding your soul mate and the way it'll make you feel is the most beautiful, awesome, romantic thing there ever was. But, it isn't romantic at all. You say 'I love you' because the cosmos aligned and the world delivered up a fantasy that you've carried around with you your whole life and you say you are compelled to love them by this fact, though what you're really saying is 'I love this high that I'm on right now.' How unromantic is that? I love you because I have to? And wouldn't it be just as easy to end up saying, 'I've fallen out of love with you because those feelings just aren't there anymore?' Isn't it a billion times more romantic to say, 'I love you because I choose to?' Because I have a choice in the matter? There are 6 billion other people in the world and I choose to love you. I'm aware that I could fall in love with at least a handful of people if put in the right circumstance, but who I want is you. I choose to love all of you...the good, the bad, the ugly, the beautiful, the annoying, the you that doesn't quite live up to my fantasy, but the you that I respect and adore, the you that is young and beautiful, the you that has wrinkles and a sagging belly, the you that makes mistakes, the you that doesn't always live up to my expectations, the you that causes me pain, the you that immediately tells me you're sorry, the you that leaves chunks of toothpaste in the sink, the you that zones out of our conversation when I really just want you to listen, the you that will never quite make enough money to satisfy my worldly desires, but the you that chooses me over anything else, the you that makes me want to be better than I already am, the you that isn't afraid to hold some of the burden I'm carrying, the you that will lift me up when I'm not sure how to go on, the you that enables me to reach higher and shoot for my dreams, the you that chooses to love me back and all of my idiosyncrasies. We're in love because we choose to be...on good days and on bad days. We are soul mates and we became soul mates, but not because we were compelled to be, but because we chose each other as our soul mates. And our love isn't selfish and solely based on the way it makes us feel or how incredibly hot I think he/she is, but on respect and admiration and a healthy view of what it means to take care of another person's needs over your own (read this book)....and how hot we are for each other :)" --joking aside, I don't remember what he actually said in this lecture, at least not verbatim, but this is, in my words, what he said and what I learned.

It makes a lot more sense how someone could let you go now, doesn't it? But, I thought he/she was my soul mate...I thought we were perfect...I thought they were everything I'd ever need...we felt the same way...we were so compatible...there was so much passion and love...I'm not sure how I can live without them...we finished each other's sentences...we wanted the same things...we talked about getting married....... Maybe all of that is true, but what it comes down to is they didn't choose you. And right then and there despite all of the heartache you feel you should ask yourself this very question and determine to see this situation differently---"Do I really want to be with someone who didn't choose me back? Do I really want to be with someone who doesn't love me back? Do I really want to be with someone who is okay with letting me walk away?" Sure, it hurts...you have a scar...I have a few, it's okay. But, stop yourself from being hung up over someone and the idea of being with someone who made a conscious choice to not have you in their life. It's sad, it's depressing, but it's true and you deserve more than that.

I'm not saying this person is a bad person, I don't know them, I can't determine that. Maybe they did the right thing. They know they can't love you the way you deserve to be loved. They know they can't be real with you. They know there is something more out there for them. And there is something more out there for you.

Final thought:

Despite my realist views on love, I am a deeply passionate person and I do believe in being in love. But I also believe in choosing to love someone, not just be "in love" with someone. It's that kind of love that holds you through bad times and helps you remember to put that person first. It's not a one time choice, it's a choice you make everyday...like when your hot secretary comes on to you or on the days when you let yourself wonder if there is something more. You won't always feel on cloud 9 so you have to build a reservoir to sustain you when those flighty love feelings wear off. There is something much deeper and much more beautiful beneath the surface and that's the kind of love that I want. And I believe I can find it, despite the fact that it baffles my mind how two people find each other and choose to love one another. Because I do believe it's a choice as I've stated 100x previous, so how do you find someone that will choose you back? I don't know...but for all of you out there who have found it, I commend you and hope that you don't waste any of your precious time and energy not recognizing what a beautiful phenomenon it is. I hope you cherish it and work for it and love every bitter and sweet moment of it.

I realized that this post is going to be really long. And since I have so many thoughts swirling, I will have to break this up into segments so I can fully say what I want to say. So much for cutting down on blogging.

Tune in for the next chapter: Are you in love with me, or the idea of me?

The Truth

I'm sitting here in a hotel room in San Francisco listening to Noteworthy's album, the sound of planes taking off in the background, and eating a luke warm yoplait yogurt with a fork...just painting a picture for you. My parents are here on business, as am I...fancy that. So, to keep in line with being the mooch I've been to them for the past year, I of course stayed here last night...jk, my mom can't live without me ;)...love you mom.

Last night at 11 pm I left Milpitas with master CDs to my EP and the Noteworthy album in my hand!!! the culmination of almost 2 years of intermittent work...the bulk of which happened over the last few months. I arranged or co-arranged 8 of the 14 tracks on NW's album and added to the arrangements of at least 3 more for the studio. The girls put so much into this album, including incredible singing, solos, original songs and lots and lots of heart! I am so proud of them and this piece of work. It may not make waves or be the best thing you've ever heard since the invention of collegiate acappella in 2006 (that was for you Christopher), but it's good...and I enjoy litsening to it. And I hope you will too. And that' s the point. (**Thank you Bill Hare!!! and the Hare family--Jennie, Katie & Laura for being incredible hosts and friends this week!!!)

And so the fruits of my labors have been born....after a long, painful, arduous, anxiety-ridden, sometimes rewarding, mentally & emotionally taxing gestation period. I have spent all of this time and energy bringing these music babies to life and they're here...little music infants, not quite ready for the world...but they have to be...usually you get 18 years for this kind of thing...but suddenly I have to send them off into the world and hope that you care for them as much as I do. It's kind of strange. But it's time. Long "overdue", if you will. So that is my hope, that you will love them and take care of them and cherish them and snuggle them and hold them like all good music babies should be loved. Can I count on you?

Now comes a few weeks of the mundane but necessary business side of things...researching, registering songs and business/publishing, mechanical royalties, album art, replication, website design, CD release concert, etc etc...all that fun stuff. And the big, NOW WHAT?! I'm excited for that part...the unknown possibility. I have some things in mind...and I'm not afraid to dive in this time...maybe take a step back and garner a little more from the world...decide what I want to say this time around...who I want to be... And I hope you come along for the ride.

So here I am sitting in my hotel room alone...overly joyed with how the last week went and that I finished something that was really hard and mostly that I got over my own self and pursued something that I wanted...because I had a dream and I wanted to share it with you. And soon I will. But...that joy is somehow slightly less than full...because I'm sitting here alone. I was going to play in the city this weekend, though those plans were slightly hampered by the fact that my friend who was going to join me on this venture is stuck in Utah. And, I could stay and play on my own or just hang out for a few days. But, I can't help but think this moment would be so much better if I was with the people I care about and love...those people are scattered all across the U.S...so this can't be fully accomplished. But for now, I want to go home. Because I am wholly feeling the sentiment to the title track of my EP....nothing ever has come close, and in the end what matters most is love. So that's the message I'm leaving with you at the culmination of this thing....dreams are great and all, but without love nothing truly matters.

The Truth
by Catherine Papworth

On this night I feel so all alone
empty walls surrounding my empty bones
and everything is alright,
but I just can't shake this feeling inside
'cause I've been looking for
something I ain't had before
something beautiful,
something just to make me whole
but everybody, we all need
we need somebody
'cause nothing ever has come close,
and in the end what matters most is
love

I met a man out on highway 25
he said he left his kids and kissed his wife goodbye
he said,
I'm out to lose myself on the open road
but searching 'round all the world
he ain't gonna find what he's got at home
but he went looking for
something he thought he'd had before
something beautiful,
something just to make him whole
but everybody, we all need
we need somebody
'cause nothing ever did come close
and he found out what matters most is
love

people dying, worlds are fighting
and in our homes are children crying
tell me what we're gonna do,
look at the way we live,
the things we choose
'cause everybody needs a home,
the truth is this and this I know
we all fighting just to find a way,
in love
in love

we've been looking for
something we ain't had before
something beautiful,
something just to make us whole
but everybody, we all need
we need somebody
'cause nothing ever will come close,
and in the end what matters most is
love.
(say what you want, what you wanna do 'cause love is gonna come first
we want the truth, nothing but the truth so love is gonna come first
say what you want, what you wanna do 'cause love has gotta come first
we need the truth, nothing but the truth so love has gotta come first)

On this night I feel so all alone....

Prayers for the Dial family

I woke up today to hear some tragic news. Someone I had little association with in college, but is a good friend to several of my really good friends lost her father yesterday in a kayaking/drowning accident. I read this article as the chorus to my song, "Enough" was being played over and over (it's being mixed right now) in the background. It took all the strength I had not to break down and weep in the living room of my engineer's house. My prayers and heart are with the Dial family, who I don't know very well, but whose pain I can't imagine. I'm dedicating the final mix of this song to you.

Catherine

Tug Of War

If I only had one word to describe this song it would be "cute." If I had to describe the feeling you might get when listening to it, it would be "good." I hope you enjoy it, bells, hand claps, hums, tambourine and my quirky, cynical take on love.

Tug of War

by Catherine Papworth

You're like Advil for the soul,

numb my pain and make me whole,

oh my my,

then I find that you're to blame

for my sorrow and my pain

(doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo

doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo)

You're an atlas from above,

take me places with your love,

oh my my,

take me too far down the road,

you're the reason I must go

(doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo

doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo)

My heart can't take it anymore,

everywhere I turn you're right back at my door,

sometimes it feels like love's a tug of war

and you should know that I abhor you

but I adore you

mmm..

mmm..

You're a heartache in disguise,

a little devil dressed in white

oh my my,

tell the angels up above,

I thank God for your love.

(doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo

doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo)

This song is being mixed RIGHT NOW!!! yay :)! My heart is happy...

love & :)

Catherine

A few thoughts...

A) I'm in love with this window. I want to live in the building that it is in, despite the fact that it's in Provo. It's a historical building that used to be a mansion and is now split up into several apartments. It's a gem. We used one of the apartments for our shoot on the first day and then went exploring the second day. It was amazing...like 4 or 5 floors and lots of nooks and crannies...I'm pretty sure it's haunted but who cares. And look at that banister! Also why do I miss radiators? Weird. Okay...I'm in love with it. I'm pretty sure I would actually sit there and write all the time. Though it was a little precarious and high up.

2) I've mentioned before that this process of doing my EP has been really lonely. Unless you have been through something like this I'm not sure I can really describe it to you and have you understand. (I'm not throwing a pity party...AT ALL! just so that's clear.) But if I've ever said it before, there is no time I mean it more than right now. I feel like I've been on the struggle bus for the last few days....like I'm on my last few "emotional" reps (have I been spending too much time at the gym?) I'm not sure if it's the weight of my life backpack right now or the fact that it seems that the people closest to me that usually seem to be readily available are well...not readily available....it's just been a hard week. But, and though I hate to use this cliche, I have had a few moments (tender mercies, if you will) that have carried me through. Each Noteworthy mix that I get back from Bill speaks to my heart and reminds me that all of this work is going somewhere and it's going to be great! And then Jillene came over this morning and recorded the violin parts I arranged for "The Truth." Hearing it all come together for the first time, the fruition of thoughts and feelings and ideas I've had inside for so long was just unreal. Thank you Jillene and Rachel for making my dreams come true on this one!

I've been going on a run every night (probably way too late, don't hate me and tell me I'm endangering myself...it's keeping me sane!) to de-stress and listen to Sara Bareilles' new album, but last night I received the mix back for "Come, Come Ye Saints" and I played it at least 4 times at the beginning of my run. Noteworthy...you were like little angels showering me with peace through my ipod earbuds. I know I arranged this piece...but you make it what it is. I love you all and miss you. Thank you.

I hope I make it through the next week...specifically the next few days. I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! I can do it! ---I am repeating this to myself...repeatedly...:)

And that goes for you....you can do it.

Thirdly) I think I need to find a less sweaty stress reliever....maybe I'll take up painting.

Last item) I think when this is all over I want to take a vacation to a remote spot like a cabin on a hill somewhere and just sit on the porch and watch the sunset and sip tea and listen to Billie Holiday. This is my wish. Who's with me?

Catherine

Enough

Song #2 Revealed:

My EP will be mixed next week, it's about time I share another song that's going to be on it. This song is probably my most well known song despite being "newer" (I've been songwriting for about 10 years now so respectively newer.) I entered it in a contest a year ago on a whim with a rough recording I did at home and put it on my myspace page and now most of the response I get about my music has to do with this very song.

Most of my songs (definitely anything in the last year or two) have a personal story/meaning behind them besides the obvious universal meaning that the world can relate to--or at least I hope you can relate. I'm now going to share with you the story behind this song.

On December 19, 2008 my sister and her friend were driving to the post office to mail a package to my brother when they were broad-sided by a 16 year old in a large Chevy truck going 55 mph through a red light. I was at home a few miles away at the time. I was in the middle of editing Noteworthy's second album and during this time I always had my studio headphones on and was nowhere near my phone. This day I was having technical difficulties so I wasn't working and I happened to have my phone right next to me. I received a phone call from my sister's friend...all she said was, "we got in an accident. Kristin's not okay. We're at McKellips & Higley."

I got up from the couch, forced my mom off of the phone call she was on and prepared to run in my flip flops the 2.5 miles to McKellips and Higley...my car was in Utah...my dad had his car...my sister was driving my mom's car and I didn't have a key to my sister's car. As it happens, my mom had found a key to my sister's Jeep the day before so we rushed over there in literally 2 minutes which felt like eternity. When we got there they were still in the car. My sister was slumped over the steering wheel. I won't go into graphic details, but it wasn't something I really wanted to see. My sister's friend was conscious and covered in glass and debris and had little cuts all over her face. I stood out in the intersection, talked to her and tried to calm the both of us down. Sometime during that, Kristin woke up and was carried out of the car into the ambulance. She didn't know where she was, who my mom was, or what had happened. Her face was white, she was shaking and could barely open her eyes. We were lucky. I didn't know if she would be okay...in this moment she wasn't okay. I don't remember feeling my body or my mind or my heart or any sensation during this entire time except for peace...it was like I was floating on it. Everything was whirling around us--fire trucks, police cars, EMTs, firemen, witnesses, victims. My mom was frantic and my dad, who rushed over from work, was worried. I don't know why it was me, but I knew it would be okay and I also knew it was my job to help everyone else be okay.

My mom had a piano recital that she had planned months in advance happening at our house in literally an hour. Since we wouldn't be able to see Kristin at the hospital till all of her tests were done, my dad went there and waited while I went home and helped my mom put on her hour long recital. I could barely keep my hands steady as I tried to ice 100 sugar cookies that her students were now not going to get to decorate. I kept a calm demeanor as I let everyone in, since my mom was off printing recital programs that Kristin was on her way to copy after the post office.

After the recital we went to the hospital. She had bleeding in her left temporal lobe. She would need to stay in the ICU for a couple of days to make sure the bleeding stopped and the blood cleared and then at least another day out of the ICU to make sure she was stable. Once she was out of the ICU, I stayed with her overnight...sharing her bed...the nurse kept commenting on how cute we were...but I just couldn't imagine leaving. She had to be alone all night while in the ICU and it was the hardest part.

After a few weeks of rest and nursing her back to health...and a slightly depressing Christmas due to all of that....she went back to school with nothing to show but a fading scar on her lip. But the experience was burned in me like a branding iron.

I didn't write the song for a few weeks. One night I sat in our music room upstairs and played some chords on my mom's keyboard with some synth-y pad sound called "Quazar" or something. I had several things going through my mind...and a heavy weight on my heart. I had a friend who had made a huge mistake in his life that had jeopardized his standing with his family. I had a friend who was struggling with her identity, who needed to be honest with herself and with people around her. I had another friend whose father passed away unexpectedly right after the holiday. I had been carrying around with me the images from the accident. I thought about how I had come home after the hospital that first night and tried to pick up like normal. I went to do the dishes and saw my sister's plate from lunch. I knew that we had gotten in an argument over lunch--of course I don't remember what it was and how stupid--but as I cleaned that dish, I finally broke down. It made me think about those small moments that a person goes through after going through tragedy...not the funerals, the hospitals, the gravesites, the family get togethers, the big life celebrations all without that person...but the small moments in between...picking up their clean clothes out of the dryer from that morning...or receiving that last letter in the mail...canceling their magazine subscription...picking up their room... Okay, that may sound weird. But, it's the stuff you don't think about. It's for those small moments, when you have nothing left in you to muster to get you through, to move one more step, to fix it and reverse your mistakes, to always need to but never get to say you're sorry, when you don't know how you can ever forgive yourself or ever be whole....it's for those moments that I wrote this song.

About 6 months later, I played the song at an extended family talent show. My mom's cousin had passed away from cancer a few months before and the person MC-ing that night (his brother) had accidentally killed his 20-something year old daughter backing out of the driveway in his work truck sometime in the year before that. When I finished, he stopped me with tears in his eyes and just said, "thank you." I don't expect much when I write a song...only that it means something to me. But in this moment, I understood fully why I make music.

People have come out of the woodwork to tell me how much this song means to them. Like I said it's not what I asked for or expected. I'm grateful that life has given me challenges and I have found a way to process them that speaks to others. I don't take very much credit though...except for the courage to write it...but when songs like this come I usually feel like there is some greater purpose for it...one that I didn't create. I'm not trying to be profound...that's just how I feel. I can only hope that it does mean something to you and that there is some greater purpose in it. It's why I continue to do write, play & make music.

So now you know the story. My story. I usually don't share them...because, once they reach you, they become your story. And that's what matters.

Enough

by Catherine Papworth

dedicated to Kik

Is it enough?

Just to love,

and be loved by someone?

Is it enough?

To not give up,

if giving up is something

When what you give, is what you've got

but what you've got is nothing

more to give

Is it enough?

And in your life,

you need a break,

but what you want is broken

You carry on,

your mind's awake,

but now your body's frozen

Just showing up

could be that tough

Just being there with someone,

is it enough?

is it enough?

The light is dim and shadows show up on your face

Your hope is gone you're waiting for that saving grace

But all that I can give to you is just to say

When hope is gone,

you'll carry on till tomorrow

You need a friend,

you've reached the end,

but find your heart keeps going

You do your best, with all the rest

and though you can't tell now

it'll be enough

it'll be enough

Is it enough,

to face the truth,

when tragedy has fallen?

and even worse,

the truth hurts,

those were your last words spoken

what would you say,

if everyday, you had the chance

but now you're not there to say it?

what would you say?

The years have gone and lines now show up on your face

Your hope is gone you're waiting for that saving grace

but all that I can give to you is just to say

When hope is gone,

you'll carry on till tomorrow

You need a friend,

you've reached the end,

but find your heart keeps going

You do your best, with all the rest

and though you can't tell now

it'll be enough

it'll be enough

I licensed a version of the song to this commercial. I don't mind making money to do what I love...don't mind it at all.

THIS girl!!!!!!

So unbeknownst to me, the gym was closed today...which means, I did a much shorter but more intense Jillian Michaels workout. Which means, I now have a few minutes to blog to you...bloggites. Which means, I'm now going to share with you an artist that is going to blow your mind. Ready? Set...

Her name is Jessie J...Jessica Cornish. She's from Essex. There are people who can sing...and there are people who can SANG! Some people sing from within, from their soul and it has little to do with lip buzzes and vocal exercises and passaggios and technique. I'm not knocking technique, I think it's vitally important. But, some people just sing without inhibition. I like to think that I try to sing with this same kind of inhibition and though I've surpassed my vocal limits over time as I've grown, I'm pretty sure this girl just doesn't have any. She could sing whatever the hellsnitch she wanted (yes I just made up that word) and it would sound amazing and it would blow your head off...that is what I think. Also, she is like 21 or 22 which makes me want to hate her even more. I heard about her about a year ago and yeah...she doesn't have an album out in the US so don't go crazy. She will though, I believe. I follow her on twitter and every once in a while hear little snippets that she is working on it so....without further ado...

This is the first thing I ever heard her sing....WHATTHEHECKWHEREDIDSHECOMEFROM?!

yes, that just came out of her...SITTING DOWN!!!! (she starts singing at 0:40)

This is the first song she ever wrote "Big White Room"....THE FIRST SONG SHE EVER WROTE! Yeah, I officially hate her. Listen to the run she does at 3:24 and 4:24-4:32 and the note she hits at 4:16...yeah that's an Ab...at a full belt. I've only known one other person who could belt that high with ease (Amy Whitcomb) and I've only ever heard her belt a G, though I'm sure she's fully capable of going higher.



This song is just...clever.

This song has a great message. I want it on my ipod so I can go running to it. This would make me happy. She spends the first 3 minutes talking about it though...so skip ahead if you just want to hear the song. (Song starts at 2:44)

Today my wish came true...

I came downstairs this morning to a pantry stocked full of cereal (which means my dad went shopping because he always buys enough cereal to feed an Italian army---I don't know why they're Italian, that's just what came to my head first.) And what did I find on the top shelf??? CRUNCH BALLS (See Aug. 28th post.) All is good in the world...today.

Catherine

Self Reliance, Emerson

"In every work of genius we recognize our own rejected thoughts, they come back to us with a certain alienated majesty. Great works of art hath no more affecting lesson for us than this."

in other words...

I wish I had written this song. Actually, I wish I had written her entire album. I love music for so many reasons...one being that it says what I'm feeling without me having to say. This song is a work of genius to me...Don't stifle your creativity/reject your thoughts...you could come up with something beautiful like this. Oh unrequited love...."does anybody know how to hold my heart?" just wondering....

Basket Case

by Sara Bareilles

Don't want to talk about it to you

I'm not an open book that you can rifle through

The cold hard truth that you see right to

I'm just a basket case without you

He's not a magic man or a perfect fit

But had a steady hand and I got used to it

And a glass caged heart and invited me in

And now I'm just a basket case without him

Begging for the truth

So I'm sayin it to you

I've been saving your place

What good does it do?

Now I'm just a basket case

Now I'm just a basket case

Don't say much and it'll stay that way

You got a steel train touch

and I'm just a track you lay

So I'll stay right here

underneath you

I'm just a basket case

it's what we do

You're begging for the truth

So I'm sayin it to you

I've been saving your place

What good does it do?

Now I'm just a basket case

Won't somebody come on in and tug at my seams

Oh send your armies in, of robbers and thieves

to steal the state I'm in

I don't want it anymore

You're begging for the truth

So I'm sayin it to you

I've been saving your place

What good does it do?

Now I'm just a basket case

Now I'm just a basket case

Now I'm just a basket case

Now I'm just a basket case